Gnorm hates spring break

While Heir 2 was home from school, he was pretty involved with getting caught up on homework. So I left him to his own devices.

However, something about Heir 2's presence stirs up Ungnome and gnome-like activity in general.

Target Practice

Hung by the Gneck

Ungnome gets his

Gnomes on a toot

Unfortunately, Heir 2 didn't get quite as much done as he should have.

The gnomes, however, were exhausted.

Potted Gnorm

Ungnome will be Gnorms Undoing

Toasty Gnorm

It occurs to me that...

...perhaps Ungnome has way too much time on his hands.

...Or maybe it wasn't a good idea to exempt him from his final exams this week, giving him even more time on his hands -- Ungnome, I mean.

Ungnome caught in the act

Gnorm's tormentor revealed

Ungnome -- Gnorm's evil twin.

And here I've been blaming Heir 2 all this time.

Cafe Au Gnorm

Gnorm will never travel down the Yellow Brick Road again

"The Great and Powerful Cucuzza has spoken!"

Excavation

My mother-in-law bought this for us because it reminded her of Dirtman and John Boy building the fence out back.


But...what is that they're burying?


Sigh

Gnewton would like to thank the Academy for this honor...

...Or...

Gnewton has decided to enter the exciting field of Gnome Ventriloquism.

It puts the gnome into the basket...

...or else it gets the hose again.

We are not savages

We Linguinis are very civilized people, in spite of that fact that we have, temporarily at least, hit the skids.

And when I say "skids," I don't mean to devalue where we have found ourselves. Considering we had two days to find somewhere to live that would accept us and our dogs, this is really not so bad. In fact, I would go so far as to say we were downright lucky.



As we clear out more and more boxes (ahem...I swear we only got boxes at the liquor store. I haven't reached the point of needing to buy by the case -- yet), I'm starting to enjoy living here. Dirtman did me the favor of wandering about the yard to take pictures of what we have to work with.

This house used to be owned by our landlord/neighbor's great aunt and it shows lots of signs that it was loved. There's no getting around the fact, though, that it's small for four adults and I choose to treat it as a lesson in cooperation. And I will keep repeating that over and over and over and over until -- well -- I'm ordering vodka by the case.




But then, of course, we are the neighborhood renters so no welcome wagon for us, I'm afraid. Therefore, I choose to consider it their loss because we're fun people, dammit. We really are. We eat that fish and are fun. Only occasionally do I go off on the inbred mutant population that crawls out of the nicotine washed atmosphere of their decaying double-wides to park their skin-tight-tank-top-over-cellulite-clad bodies in front of my face.



But, alas, poor Gnorm. Seems he's been followed here by whatever evil spirt plagued him in The House That Shall No Longer Be Named.

Rainy days and Fridays always get me down

Rainy days have taken on their own brand of...um...specialness.

Six dogs. Two-bedroom rambler. No fence out back.

Yeah.

Lots of rawhide bones, pig ears and Kongs.

Lots of checking out the window for a lull in the downpour.

The one glimmer of happiness today?

Gnorm* stowed away in the garlic keeper!



*The Oracle, having done his job and removed Gnorm's ob-stackles.

Where's Gnorm?

The whole Gnorm saga has been taken out of my hands. His fate rests with others now. They are linked in the side bar. Only one more thing...







Do you believe in Gnomes? If everyone believes in Gnomes all got together now...now...NOW...everyone clap your hands! Clap! CLAP!


Damn. It worked for Mary Martin.

Poor Gnorm

What sick creature from the fetid festering pools of Hades would pick on a defenseless, wandering gnome?

Oh.

A short pier

I am in a foul mood today for any number of reasons in which I feel perfectly justified, even if there are people suffering in Africa a million times more than I am. I have no sympathy for anyone right now.

Part of this attitude is probably due to the fact that because of my asthma and related health care insurance deficit, I was forced to sleep in a semi-upright position last night. I am a light sleeper to begin with and any disruption of optimum sleep position ensures a miserable night.

Still, I decided, once the dogs were cared for, I'd head back to bed for a quick nap. Threw the puppies out into the back yard, settled in and was just about to drift off when a deluge of rain began and I had to bring them back in. So I wasn't there when Gaspode started the preliminaries of a major vomit-fest. Usually I can get him out the back door before any major damage occurs, but since I was preoccupied with the puppies, I wasn't there when he ultimately threw up all over the bed.

Yeah. The bed.

Then it became like that scene from Alien where they're trying to neutralize some acid before it penetrates the lining of the space ship and they run from deck to deck trying to get ahead of the damage. I'm pulling off layer after layer of bedding, hoping I reach a layer that hasn't yet been befouled by the more liquid contents of 'Pode's stomach. I guess I'm lucky that the worst of it didn't reach the mattress, but still...And I'd just changed the bed the day before.

So I come up to my office and I have to come up with something bright and funny and clever and I'm tellin' ya -- it ain't there.

And I'll tell you what else ain't there.

Gnorm. I can feel it in my bones that Gnorm has gone where no Gnorm has gone before.

So here I sit, with no sense of humor and Gnorm-less. And no clue what to make for dinner.

Gnorm-ally Caffeinated

Hmm...I know I smell him around here somewhere...



You in there?


Nope. Cabinet's empty. I'll just grab my coffee...

GNORM...


Aww...Gnorm!

Much better. Now for that coffee...

GNORM...

Gnorm gets a sinking feeling

Gnormouflage