And for the past few days she has put up with Heir 2, Dark Garden and the Twin Progeny in her house, all at the same time -- without Valium.
And then, when Heir 2 was heading out the door, she handed him a bag of cucuzza, which he dutifully brought home to me.
Truly, I was happy with the cucuzza, cucuzza bella -- we put it in a sort of primavera over penne and there was much rejoicing and feasting.
However at the bottom of the bag -- sitting at the bottom of the bag, at the bottom of the bottom of the bag -- was a strange orb of questionable heritage.
This growth, so out of character for the middle of the summer, upset the innocents of Casa Linguini to the point of panic, causing Heir 2 to snatch it from Caisee's hands, throw himself on top of the gourd and scream, "IT'S NOT NATURAL!"
Upon further investigation we learned that this is, in fact, a variety of acorn squash. But -- wait -- acorn squash is an autumnal vegetable. So we've (using the "royal 'we'") have come up with a theory: The cucuzza was sent with all well wishes and hopes of prosperity and feasting. But the white orb...that freak of nature...that genetic anomally...was sent because Beth didn't know what the hell to do with it either.
The trauma required the consumption of an entire bottle of Australian cabernet sauvignon, making this month's calendar picture and caption rather poignant.
"Suddenly -- and tragically -- the medication wore off."