Just kidding...but...(with disclaimer*)

Guess what?

This is going to be the best Christmas ever! I mean ever forever!

How do I know this?

Remember that old joke about the parents who had two kids, one a pessimist and one and optimist? And the pessimistic kid gets all kinds of terrific gifts and keeps predicting dire outcomes as a result of the gifts. And the optimistic kid keeps getting really crappy gifts and is really happy about them?

Remember the punch line?

The parents are amazed that the optimistic kid is still so happy after not only receiving lousy presents, but watching her ungrateful sibling get really great stuff and complaining about it. So they decide for Christmas to give the optimistic kid a huge box of – literally – crap. On Christmas morning, while the pessimistic kid is whining about all the really great gifts she gets, the optimistic kid opens her big box of crap.

The parents are incredulous as Miss Optimistic starts cheering and dancing around with joy.

Why, they ask, is she so happy when she just got a big box of crap?

Because, she says, this big box of manure means there must be a pony for her somewhere!

So here I wait, with my big box of crap, for my pony.

*Things are by no means bleak around here, trust me. We Linguinis are not that shallow and are, by nature, a scrappy bunch that would never let a little thing such as TWWTNTTAA (That Which We Try Not To Talk About Anymore) spoil our good time. And I would be remiss if I didn't point out the numerous "just-in-the-nick-of-time" blessings that have rained down upon us, even in the past few days. But lately even the most optimistic people I know are e-mailing me amazed how so much bad juju has been floating around us lately, almost to the point that even I have to admit it's funny -- or will be.