Due to an illness…condition…problem…whatever (since resolved, but at the time disconcerting and downright terrifying, but okay now so we won’t go into it and please, for the love of God, don’t ask what the doctor said because that will open up a whole new can of worms I don’t need crawling around just now so just know that I am healthy and normal now), I had to spend three days just sitting. I could read for short periods of time, but long term focus so close sent my head spinning.
The long and short of it was that the only thing to do was – gulp – watch television. A lot of television (and knit washcloths that I don’t have to look at much while I knit, but that’s neither here nor there).
Okay – Oprah. Explain Oprah to me, someone, please.
The show was about a woman who was addicted to hoarding and shopping. The advertising was for crap to buy for Christmas. The ads for upcoming Oprah shows were about Oprah’s favorite crap to buy for Christmas. Meanwhile, on the show, they’re talking about how Americans have too much crap and we’ve lost meaning in our lives. And Oprah is acting all bewildered about people who are addicted to shopping – the woman, who already has everything under the planet twice over and who required a Paris department store open after hours just for her, is amazed that other people are addicted to shopping?
Honestly, people – is it just me?
Then the car commercials: I was under the impression that a car was a means to get from point A to point B. Intermittent wipers are kind of a neat perk, but really it’s a motor with wheels. Then why the ad like “When you get in your car and turn it on, does it return the favor?” How screwed up do you have to be to rely on your car for existential fulfillment?
And why are people so obsessed about the smell of their houses? I love to go into people’s houses and smell what they had for dinner. Why is that a bad thing? It means you live in your house. I can’t believe a company can make money spending millions on advertising for a candle.
Okay, okay, okay…I know I’m old and I know I’m not the most technologically savvy person on the planet. But someone please explain to me why a cell phone can’t simply be a cell phone? Is there something about our surroundings so vile to hear that everyone has to be walking around with their own personal soundtrack?
(Oh, and don’t suggest I get that Jitterbug thing – it looks like the Playskool version of a cell phone. I’m not that hopeless. Dirtman, maybe. But not me. And is anyone concerned that the “skool” part of “Playskool” is misspelled?)
And another thing: it’s “jew-el-ry,” NOT “JEW-LER-EE.”
And why are “Titanic” and “Independence Day” on all the time? I was just wondering about that. I don’t mind or anything. I’m just curious.
Thank God that little stint is over. I resolve to take better care of myself forever more so I don’t have to go through three days watching FREAKING INSANITY!