Thursday, May 24, 2007

Now this is how you do weekends...

This will be the kind of weekend we had in mind when we decided on this house:

People coming and going; Spontaneous acts of cookery; A (legal) casino in the basement; All fridges full; A full range of musical genres on the stereo; No one in charge.

We’ll need every bathroom people keep asking us about. (“Five and a half bathrooms? You only have four bedrooms…”)

I expect at least one of the following will occur at some point from Saturday through Monday:

  • Heir 2 and the Twin Progeny will casually saunter outside like they’re going for a walk or something. Shortly afterward we will look out the window to see them putting to use some piece of detritus in a new and unusual way, probably involving unhealthy heights and noxious smells.
  • Dark Garden and I will drag out the entire contents of the freezer and refrigerator and come up with an incredible meal which we won’t be able to recreate because we wrote nothing down and now we’ve had too many gins and tonics to remember.
  • John Boy will explain the fine points of how to break even at craps and black jack. Everyone will pretend to listen. At the end of the evening everyone will be thankful we don’t use real money.
  • John Boy will end the evening attempting to recap all the statistics garnered that night and reading them aloud to everyone. No one will care. He will store these statistics in his Basement of Doom and keep them for the next 30 years.
  • Dirtman will spend the weekend holed up in his office, claiming he’s working, but actually watching ESPN. (He will come out on Casino Night to mop the floor with everyone, mostly because he can count cards while carrying on normal conversations, even though he will deny this vehemently.)
  • Something will break down. It will be something for which we cannot find the instruction book. Dark Garden will shake his head in disgust and then fix it. No one knows how he does this. It is a gift.
  • Dark Garden will throw out my straws and Ms. Dark Garden will yell at me about my little scrubber squares. I will show them the ¼ cup of coffee I can buy with the money I save washing my plastic straws and cutting up my pot scrubbers into little squares.
  • Heir 1 will attempt to slip an annoying CD onto the stereo. Everyone will yell at him when they’ve had enough of listening to what sounds like feedback or a moose in pain.

So if you’re in the area, drop on by. We’ll be in – unless I’ve got to make a food run, in which case just find a chair, have a seat and someone will be along with a drink in a minute or two.

(You hear that Blogger Conventioneers?)


White Trasherati said...

Aw,man...we're going to be hauling a truckload to the Dirty Mountain this weekend.
And engaging in similar activities. If y'all get bored, drive the four hours further and do the same kinds of things with us.
(Salt, call me!)

Don't let Zsa have any champagne - bitch might be knocked up, you know.

Ms. Zsa Zsa said...

Party Pooper.

The Zsa Zsa prefers "Great With Pups." After all, it cost the price of a vacation to get The Zsa Zsa this way if, indeed, The Zsa Zsa is Great With Pups.

(How dare you mention that little Parson Corpuscle cockroach in the same post as Moi.)

The Dark That Dare Not Speak Its Name said...

..and don't worry. If we're on a run to the store... Just check the local shit-hole Food Lion! We'll be in there walking down isles lookin' like Dawn Of The Dead. At least two trips! ... per day!

Dark Garden said...

"ONE of the following...?"

My bet is on every one of them! LOL!

I just place that bet down in that (legal) casino.. when I find it.

and... looky here! LOOKY HERE'A!!!
I found da' password!