Dear Mom, Dad, Tara and Sean,
St. Louis is okay and Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Chuck are nice, but I wanna come home.
First they dragged me to this really windy place where I think we were supposed to have lunch, but I think the McDonalds was closed down or broken or something because there was only one arch.
But we sat there anyway and I made everyone laugh. Remember that "Bottoms Up" thing we do all the time? Well, I guess no one in St. Louis has ever seen it before because they would clap whenever I did it here. So I kept doing it. Over. And over. And over. And over. There were lots of people staring at me because I don't think you humans have much to do.
Then they took me to see Daniel Boone but he was dead and there was just this big stone there I wasn't even allowed to pee on, so what's the point of a big stone anyway?
And then Mamma Karen made me run around a big field with a bunch of other Aussies that look like me and I was next to my brother Liam, but we couldn't play or nothing 'cuz we just had to stand there while people looked at us like they got nothing better to do than to stare at a bunch of dogs all day or something and those other dogs weren't doing "Bottoms Up" like me so what was the big deal?
Then Mamma Karen broke her leg and I'm bored so I wanna come home.
Even though Uncle Chuck spoils me sometimes.
Sam (the Ham)