I gotta code in by doze

Remember sick days?

Those were the days you got to stay home from school, barricaded in your bed with crayons and paper, books and playing cards. Your mother brought you ginger ale with a straw and Campbells’ Chicken Noodle Soup for lunch. If it was a lengthy illness, a television might be rolled into your room. And you enjoyed it all from a decongestant-induced fog. Every now and then someone would come into your room and utter those soothing, magic words, “Can I get you anything?”

Well, that’s what I need today, but it just won’t happen. I mean, aside from the fact that my mother has been dead for 26 years and Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup has enough MSG in it to cause my eyes to swell up like Rocky after the fight and there is no way I’m manually dealing out a hand of solitaire when I can go on the computer and push a button. And I can’t take any daytime cold medications because I’m on thyroid meds so I have to be satisfied with salt water and Halls cough drops.

Before I can barricade myself in bed there are the dogs to be dealt with, because we feed them a raw diet and supposedly I’m the only one who knows how to open the refrigerator door, take out some chicken parts and put them into the dog’s four bowls.

Then I can barricade myself in bed…just as soon as I make the coffee because if Dirtman does it we wind up with more coffee grounds on the counter than in the filter bin and a liquid that is vaguely reminiscent of coffee, but more resembles tea that hasn’t been steeped long enough. But I’ll grind the coffee and set it to drip, then, then, I’ll barricade…

But first the Heirs need cash, one for a party in Spanish class, the other for…I don’t know…some lame excuse set up to part me with my money…just take the damn ten and let me hack up a lung in peace. And now I’m going to barr…

“Don’t forget! The computer guy comes today at 11!” Dirtman calls on his way out the door. “Oh, and there’s some invoices that need to go out if we’re going to be able to pay the subs. I don’t think I’m going to have time to make that deposit, so you’d better go. While you’re out…”

Never. Mind.