Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Everyday is Zsa Zsa Appreciation Day!


Well, Dahlings, things around here have certainly been deteriorating. I mean, I don’t think my servants truly appreciate The Zsa Zsa as is her due.

For instance, my former servant, had the decency to aid The Zsa Zsa in her morning abolutions and breakfast at a decent hour of the morning: 4 o’clock. Then she had the good manners to get out of my face for the rest of the day until it was time for The Zsa Zsa’s dinner. The Zsa Zsa could come and go as she pleased without having to make a formal request. And all day long were all the minor Aussies praising and worshipping The Zsa Zsa and telling The Zsa Zsa of her magnificence. And The Zsa Zsa was a beneficent ruler, for The Zsa Zsa let them exist!

But now, this woman sleep until six o’clock in the morning. And you should hear her should The Zsa Zsa make the tiniest suggestion that it is now Time For The Zsa Zsa! And that other person, that male person, is even worse. He positively bellows, as if The Zsa Zsa had no right to suggest Time For The Zsa Zsa begin at 4:15 a.m.

And now – now – The Zsa Zsa has found out when it snows, Time For The Zsa Zsa can be as late as 7 a.m.! How can they wait that long to touch The Zsa Zsa? Aren’t they, even while sleeping, pining to stroke The Zsa Zsa's soft, fluffy fur and feel The Zsa Zsa’s warm breath on their faces?

Well, this morning The Zsa Zsa showed them. The Zsa Zsa bestowed the honor of monitoring The Time For The Zsa Zsa to one of their puppies! Oh, how happy and honored was Puppy 2 (how cute they look at that age, stumbling around on their two legs, trying to bellow just like their father!). I’m sure Puppy 1 was disappointed that, because he had shut his door, he missed out on being with The Zsa Zsa at 4:30 in the morning!

Poor Puppy 2, though. He was afraid to tell that woman of how The Zsa Zsa passed her by to bestow such an honor to her son. He never mentioned it to her until she thanked the puppy for tending to The Zsa Zsa after attempts to drag her lazy butt out of bed had failed. Puppy 2 was so afraid that he claimed not to remember the incident, though how could he be anything but ecstatic at opening the door to the snowy outdoors to see The Zsa Zsa emerge and frolick among the snowflakes? Such is his terror and so I do not even mind that he forgot, young pup that he is, to present The Zsa Zsa with her breakfast.

(Sigh) As The Zsa Zsa said, The Zsa Zsa is a beneficent ruler.

And all day long The Person is here, just hanging around The Zsa Zsa’s palace. But does she look constantly to The Zsa Zsa? NO! Does she spend her time in constant praise of The Zsa Zsa? NO! She types and types and types, only acknowledging The Zsa Zsa every now and then. She even gets downright snippy should The Zsa Zsa render a gentle nudge – okay, two gentle nudges – three tops – reminding her that she is supposed to be here for The Zsa Zsa.

And to be assisted to the outside – frankly, the woman should be fired. The Zsa Zsa must perform The Dance of the Wiggling Body before she takes the hint. Poor thing. She’s used to that dimwit, Topper, just crashing headlong into the door when he wants to go out. She is unaccustomed to anticipating The Zsa Zsa’s needs. The Zsa Zsa should be delivered to the outside before even The Zsa Zsa is aware of it. That is the way of properly attending to The Zsa Zsa.

The Zsa Zsa is aware of yet another snowfall coming up this week. Just to spite that woman, The Zsa Zsa will go to Puppy 2 first. And the kid better remember the breakfast this time!

1 comment:

Dark Garden said...

If you say Zsa Zsa one more friggin' time, I'm pullin' the gun out!!!