Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Scent of a Zombie

I'm trying very hard to love Walking Dead.

Each fall I try to find a television show to hang my hat on; another West Wing; another Northern Exposure. House was compelling for awhile until it turned into a soap opera that I thought would be relieved this season by the removal of House's love interest. Unfortunately, once Dr. House no longer had a dramatic private life, he turned into a sort of mean-spirited Yente and you get the feeling that he'd be diagnosing these diseases a lot sooner if he would just mind his own business.

But back to Walking Dead...

I know this is rather an odd choice for me, but my whole purpose in trying to find a television show I can embrace is so that I can join in with conversations and sound like I'm interacting with society on a regular basis. The truth is I don't, really. Mostly I just see my family and everyone in my family is watching Walking Dead.

This required me to spend an afternoon catching up by watching all of season one in one great big bite, thanks to Netflix. I'll admit I almost quit after the first episode when they let the zombies have the horse, but I soldiered on. And, believe me, it wasn't easy watching all those episodes together. Watching people being chased by zombies one hour at a time is one thing. Spending an entire afternoon watching people being chased by zombies gets pretty intense.  (I admit, I de-toxed with a few early episodes of Upstairs Downstairs.)

I've caught up and this season I'm watching with everyone else. Perhaps the storyline in interesting...perhaps not. I can't tell you. I'm too busy worrying about when everyone is going to get their next shower.

This can't be just me. I know for a fact that Dark Garden has concerns about there being rampant body odor among the survivors and I, for one, am amazed that one of the women got pregnant at all, considering the lack of facilities at the campsite last season.

The thing is, this whole showering concern is really affecting how I react to key moments in the plot. For instance, when the survivors were in Atlanta, trying to escape a department store completely surrounded by zombies, I wasn't the least bit concerned for anyone's safety; I was just bummed that it meant no one would be showering any time soon. And then, when they draped themselves with dead person so that they smelled like a zombie so they could escape...and then got into a closed vehicle with each other and drove off...and then embraced their loved ones when they got to the campground...I could only curl up in a fetal position and try to keep my lunch down.

Heir 2 assures me that the writers just figure we assume they're maintaining good grooming habits, but I have my doubts. Otherwise, they wouldn't make such a big deal about when they do actually shower. Sheriff's office: big shower scene; CDC: big shower scene; Herschel's farm: big shower scene.

These people are exerting themselves much too often not to have frequent shower opportunities.

What's worse is that whenever they come to a place where they assured of regular bathing, they are always forced to leave. Even the guy who owns the farm where the group has finally found sanctuary (and plumbing) wants them to move on, though, frankly, I haven't seen any lines to use the shower facilities at Herschel's farm -- just a well they pulled a zombie out of and, well, that just won't do.

I don't think it's too much to ask -- just so I can enjoy the rest of the series -- for a swimming hole...a lake...something.

Oh...and a dog. A dog would be nice, as long as I have assurance the dog will not be killed off.


Darkgarden said...

Dogs... Believe its in keeping with Mr. King's frame of reference. Thus Glen Bateman's line (The Stand): "Yeah. Superflu took most of the dogs… right along with their idiot masters. Most unfair"

I religously view Walking Dead, as you know, and I can smell them in my living room.

To expand on your theme... Walking Dead, SURVIVOR, and all the others... How in the hell do you keep your fucking teeth so godawful white?!!! You're almost freakish! Tells me there's something goin' on in dental-land we also don't see.

So... If you're gonna go and have zombie sex and shit... stop with the tongue for gods' sakes! Please don't subject me (and those on my wagon) to any of that. A'right? Stop it! Cleanse your ass, rub some pine needles under your pits n' such, and go at it... if you must! Just... geezoose!... Stop with the friggin' tongues! I'm'a' puke over here!

OH!.. yeah!... We can find rubbers and pregnancy fu..friggin' kits in the drug store... but everyone's out of bars of friggin' soap and soap type products??? Including bleaches of all sorts??? COME ONNN!!! Please! Wash your asses.


Go on.

Go wash 'em.

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