Between me, at work, and Heir 1, at home:
Me: Would you put Hokie in his pen and let all the dogs out, please? And take out the garbage. And, ummm...the front lawn? Oh! And move the house a little to the left.
Heir 1: I did everything you asked, but when I tried to move the house there was a temporal distortion and I went back in time 2 hours.
The past sucks!
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm the only one to ever receive a text with the phrase "temporal distortion" in it.
Heir 1: I'm sure that's how Jonathan Frakes gets out of doing laundry.