Dirtman's Excellent Adventure

He’ll claim “it’s just another day.”

Right.

Dirtman hits a milestone birthday today.

Dare I say it?

Dirtman turns 50. . . that’s the big five oh…half a century...a twentieth of a millinium.

So far, he shows no sign of ditching me and buying a red Miata with complimentary blonde nymph (I’ve decided a blonde nymph comes with every red sports car sold to a man over 50, kind of like a dealers’ incentive – only not exactly).

So here are some things you may or may not know about Dirtman:

• Dirtman has started an entire “beejeebers” movement among our friends and family (if, indeed, beejeebers can move). He has managed, single-handedly, to bring back the phrase. So next time you see Dirtman, ask him exactly what a beejeeber is and, since they are regularly scared out of him, where he keeps his spares.
• Dirtman knows history, even the stuff after World War I that they never had time to teach in school or that they sort of skirted over to get the course over with. He also knows the representatives and senators belonging to each state, their names and party affiliations. He’s an expert with Virginia history and gets very disgusted with natives who don’t know anything about their own state.
• Dirtman is the best kind of friend to have. You can call him anytime from anywhere and he will do all he can to help. You don’t even have to keep in touch with him. He’s had people he hasn’t seen since high school contact him and he treats them like they’ve been best buds for all those years.
• Dirtman can forgive anyone anything. He never ever holds a grudge. (In this case, I think we were fated to be together in order to balance each other out.)
• Please don’t ask him to sing.
• Please don’t ask him to sing. I can’t stress this enough.
• It’s not true that an alarm goes off at the state police traffic station to let them know Dirtman is driving around and to be on the alert for bizarre accidents involving vehicles running into objects for no reason. But only because he makes his assistant Steven do all the driving. That way he isn’t forced to drive while he’s reading the newspaper.
• Dirtman will talk to anyone and thinks everyone is absolutely fascinating. I’ve seen him chat with a McDonalds employee, fascinated by the nuances of their scheduling procedures. Consequently, without even realizing it, Dirtman makes everyone he talks to feel good about themselves.
• Umm…I need to reiterate the singing thing. Just. Don’t.
• Dirtman married a woman much, much younger than he is.

So, Happy Birthday, Sparkey. Even though it’s “just another day.”

Right.

(About that singing thing…I’m serious.)