If you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes...

Okay, fellow Northeasterners (USA). Let’s not be total suckers. Put those coats back on. You should all know better.

See, I’m not going to be lulled into a false sense of security (like some people I know) by the balmy temperature, the birdsong, and the bulbs blooming. Uh-uh. The corduroy stays out. The shorts stay in the box.

PUT THOSE SEEDS AWAY!!!! Are you insane? Start them indoors, if you can’t control yourselves. But in the ground? You are so naive.

This is the Northeast U.S. Remember the blizzards in April? Remember the snow flurries in May? HA! See? All that sunshine made you forget, didn’t it?

How about the year no one from North Caroline on north could go swimming until the middle of July? (No normal, warm-blooded human, anyway. Only the cold-blooded, insane Heirs and brother because “we paid our money to be at the beach and, by God, we’re going swimming. V-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v.”)

So frolic if you must. Wash your cars and put the Beach Boys CD back on the sun visor. Put the top down on your sportscar, all of you who have convertibles, since days like this are the only reason you paid $40,000 more for your vehicle. But don’t think for one minute that this means winter is gone for good.

How do I know this? Because the dogs are only shedding 5 tons of fur rather than their warm-weather 15 tons of fur, that’s how. Dogs are not stupid. I guarantee if you had to go outside every time you had to relieve yourself, you’d be reluctant to pack the sweaters away for the season.

I’ll tell you another reason winter is not yet over: Everyone thinks it is. It’s Mother Nature’s way of cuffing you upside the head and scolding, “Don’t think you’re so smart, Missy” (or “Young Man”).

Go ahead. Don’t listen to me. I’ll have the last laugh next weekend when you are all shoveling snow in shorts and a t-shirt and I’ll be nice and cozy watching from the kitchen as Heir 2 shovels snow.