Shhhhh...

Today is Dark Garden’s birthday. Go over, ignore how weird he sounds when you read his poetry, and wish him a happy birthday. Actually, he’s a pretty nice guy in spite of the thing about pork.

Stress the “happy.” My brothers are not very happy about birthdays. I think this is ludicrous since there is only one way to not have a birthday.

Anyway, DG is my younger brother, which means I have many fond memories of us torturing each other. When my father called to tell me I had a little brother, I hung up on him because I was counting on a little sister I could dress up in my doll clothes. I suppose I still could have done that, but that would have been creepy. Even an 8-year-old knows that.

There was a time that I decided to dress him up like a rich, preppy toddler. We were going to Atlantic City that day (this was before there was gambling there) and I dragged him around and literally stuffed him with candy I bought with my allowance and that he really didn’t want. Then I bought him a bag of feed for the pigeons. My parents were amazed. Why was I being so altruistic? they wondered. I don’t have an answer for that, or a punchline. It’s just something I remember.

DG was the prodigy of the family and his kindergarten teacher used to call him “the old man” because he had a huge vocabulary and used to come out with insightful comments while the rest of the class were picking their noses and learning not to eat paste. One time he found this rusty old bicycle that was basically a pile of junk and used parts from another bicycle to put on it, so basically we now had two piles of junk.

Another interesting thing about Dark Garden: When he was little he used to love watching reruns of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Only he called it Voyage to the Village. We don’t know why.

I have a picture of him dressed as a pilgrim, picking up a log next to a mimosa tree. He did this of his own accord. We don’t know why. After that all the pictures of him feature him running away because he wouldn’t let us take his picture anymore.

So sometimes he’s strange. But he’s usually a normal nice guy. Don’t be frightened.

Oh. He’s started allowing his picture to be taken.